My heart and mind are so heavy. I finished the 4 prescribed rounds of the "red devil" chemo... Adriamycin and Cytoxin. I've been in bed since Thursday... today is Monday.... I barely know what day it is any more.
In less than 2 weeks I am supposed to being Step #2 which includes Taxol, Herceptin and Perjeta
The side effects of Taxol include:
- Low blood counts... white and red blood cells and platelets temporarily decrease, putting me at increased risk for infection, anemia and/or bleeding
- Hair loss (full body)
- Arthralgias and myalgias, pain in the joints and muscles
- Peripheral neuropathy (numbness and tingling of the hands and feet)
- Nausea and vomiting
- Diarrhea
- Mouth sores
- Hypersensitivity reaction - fever, facial flushing, chills, shortness of breath, or hives after Taxol is given
- Swelling of the feet or ankles (edema).
- Decreased/damaged liver function
- Low blood pressure
- Nail changes (discoloration of nail beds, nails falling off
The side effects of Herceptin include:
- Body pain
- Weakness
- Nausea
- Headache
- Diarrhea
- Abdominal pain
- Back pain
- Infection
- Flu-like symptoms
- Vomiting
- Cough
- Shortness of breath
- Rhinitis or pharyngitis
- Insomnia
- Rash
- Dizziness
- Swelling (usually of the feet, ankles or hands)
The side effects of Perjeta include:
- Diarrhea
- Hair loss
- Low white blood cell count
- Nausea
- Fatigue
- Rash
- Peripheral neuropathy (numbness & tingling in hands and feet)
- Decreased appetite
- Mouth irritation or mouth sores
- Weakness
- Anemia
- Swelling
- Muscle aches
- Nail changes
- Joint aches
- Shortness of breath
- Headache
- Fever
- Abnormal taste
- Upper respiratory tract infection
- Vomiting
- Itching
- Watery eyes
- Difficulty sleeping
- Dizziness
- Abdominal pain
- Dry skin
- Allergic reactions/hypersensitivity reactions
With all of these side effects, is it worth it?
I'm so worn down, so tired of feeling sick and tired all of the time. As soon as I feel like I'm feeling a little better, it's time for more chemo and I'm right back to being bedridden.
To what end? To what degree? Why?
I write for a living. The neuropathy (numb fingers, hands, feet, toes) caused by Taxol can be permanent. I already have mild numbness in my left fingers from the A/C chemo. What if it gets worse? The damage is irreversible and I could lose my entire career.
And what are the percentages of the chemotherapies? Am I decreasing the chance of recurrence by such a small percentage that it may or may not be worth it?
What if I'm going through all of this pain and sickness and weakness for nothing? Chemotherapy is not a cure... it's just a hold-out... it gives people "more time" and "less chance" of recurrence. But what about quality of life? I'm 37 years old right now, what if the cancer is back by the time I'm 40 and it's metastasised in various places in my body?
I have so many "what if's" and "why's" and I question everything daily. Feeling so cooped up inside my home, dying inside emotionally and mentally, feeling like I can't be a parent or a girlfriend or a friend because I feel too weak and sick all the time.... this is no way to live.
I'm considering refusing the next steps of treatment.