This week I discovered personality identifications using the
Myer-Briggs research. I’ve seen the little 4-letter personality designations
for a while but never knew what they meant. I tend to think these kinds of
things are just for fun, but this one was so accurate that I believe it’s true
for once.
Apparently I am an INFJ: Introverted iNtuitive Feeling
Judging.
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of
character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly
humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their
preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as
well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often
results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the
various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn. (Source 1)
If you know me, you know this is a true description of my
personality. I’m definitely an idealist and a dreamer, and never really
understood how I could be both. Taking responsibilities in causes is just what
I do! I volunteered for dog rescues and animal shelters, founded a dog rescue,
volunteered for a veteran’s organization, volunteered for cancer organizations,
and volunteered for law advocacy organizations. If I could devote my life to
just advocating for the things I believe in, I surely would!
INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with
individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact,
sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so
genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most
readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can
only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their
long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." (Source 1)
Another complete truth. I do show the world the outgoing
side of me and appear as an extrovert, but am an introvert. I choose my close
friends very carefully and in romance I am only comfortable within a monogamous
relationship.
While instinctively courting the personal and
organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs
will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their
intimates. (Source 1)
I tend to do this a lot. People around me don’t understand
or they misunderstand that instantly think they have done something wrong. No
one will hear from me for days and it’s OKAY y’all… it’s just a personality
thing apparently. I’ve had “friends” or potential partners completely drop me
like a bad habit because I disappear for a few days here and there. It’s just
me… I’m recharging my batteries.
This one little piece of all the information I read was what
clicked for me… the jaw dropping moment of “omg this personality assessment
gets me!” I have never seen something so accurate.
This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for
them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to
prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent
"givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing
aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often
misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this
rare type. (Source 1)
See... like I said before… my escape is to recharge my
batteries. I truly do give myself an emotional overload, trying to take care of
so many people or animals. I tend to run home in the evenings and escape to my
room, locking my door, just to recharge and release all of the boxed up
emotional energy of the day.
Empathic abilities can serve as a
classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be
strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. (Source
1)
I’ve always been an empath… feeling the feelings of others upon
walking into a room. Some people call it being sensitive… I think it’s so much
more. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I believe William is an empath as well.
The I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing
self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and
most convoluted feelings. (Source 1)
This is true as well. I’ve always been bad at expressing my
feelings, especially when feelings are confusing or very deep. I love hard. I
hurt deeply. When I cry, it’s a pouring of emotion.
Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on
paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. (Source 1)
Hello… I write for a living… duh…
Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions
about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists - INFJs gravitate
toward such a role - are there for the cause, not for personal glory or
political power. (Source 1)
Here we are back at the activism… I’m an activist through
and through. The things I believe in are fought for with passion and strength.
I don’t back down from my passionate beliefs. I fight for what I believe is
right.
INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden.
They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in
acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who
victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the
INFJ. (Source 1) Yes, yes, and yes.
INFJs want to commit to doing something that they
passionately believe in, and they want their work to have meaning and personal
fulfilment. (Source 2) More activism!!
INFJs possess what traditionally is known as intuition or
‘sixth sense.’ "I just know it's right." INFJs often make unconscious
conclusions about people or things that they can’t seem to explain. Many times,
they are proven to be right. They attribute this to their gut, but it is really
their Introverted Intuition at work. This is the INFJ’s source of genius,
creativity and innovation. (Source 2) I’m a genius! YAY!
INFJs greatly value their relationships; they are
committed to the well-being of those whom they consider important in their
lives, and they silently expect the same in return. (Source 2) This
is true in so many ways. My best friend, my children, my close friends, even my
dogs – I want them all to do well, be well, live well. I would do anything for
those I care about. When they hurt, I hurt. When they are sick, I mourn for
them. When they are excited, I celebrate with them.
They desire harmony in their relationships, which can
even extend to agreeing on small daily issues. They are attempting to find
harmony in thought, and they will seek these points of agreement first before
exploring their differences. They may even go as far as avoiding necessary
conflict in order to preserve harmony. (Source 2) I cannot tell you
how many times I have walked away from a situation or a person because they
were negative, argumentative, or toxic in some way. Still, in the presence of a
high stress situation coupled with emotional breakdown, I have managed to make
poor choices and end up in some situations that were the opposite of harmonious.
I hope to never face that again.
Their Sensing is the weakest of their mental functions.
This means that under stress, their Sensing may come out in an undeveloped or a
childish manner. They may become overindulgent with material pleasures like
overeating, too much video games or too much shopping. (Source 2) I
am guilty of becoming overindulgent under stress. When stress feels like it’s
too much, I shop, I eat, I pour myself into a TV show or a game, and I make
poor decisions.
To help others wherever possible, and even when it seems
impossible, is what fills an INFJ’s life with meaning and serves as their main
motivation. This is their main orientation in the world, and it defines how
they relate to events and to people around them. (Source 1) Yes.
Yes, yes and yes! Helping others is what makes my heart beat and makes me feel
alive. It brings purpose to my life. Without someone to care for or look after,
I am lost. I tend to take on extra people who become like family, or extra
animals – just because they need someone or someplace where they can be loved
(both the people and the animals). It’s part of who I am.
Someone once called me codependent. I read some books. I
looked into it. Something about it just did not fit my personality. I don’t
feel like I’m a codependent; I just love to care for others.
An INFJ’s everyday social circle is unlikely to be
extensive. It mostly consists of close friends, colleagues, and family members.
(Source 1) I am very choosey about who my close friends are. I only keep a
handful of people around. Trust is a difficult thing for me in general.
They are insightful into human relations and consider
long term possibilities for developing human potential. In whatever they do,
they want to find a greater purpose in it that serves their fellow man.
(Source 2) Awwwww <3 <3 <3
However, they are perfectionists and prefer to keep their
thoughts to themselves rather than sharing with others until they believe it is
ready. (Source 2) I cannot tell you how many times this trait has
given me problems in relationships. I don’t always want to talk about how I
feel or what I’m thinking in each moment. When I’m ready to communicate, I
will. Until then, though, the lack of communication is just part of who I am
and has to be handled with patience.
They are also private people, needing quiet time for
reflection and processing their thoughts.
(Source 2) This is my evening time alone when I diffuse from the day. I
have to process a full and busy day at work in the private, quiet solitude of
my room at home.
As partners, INFJs are affirming and encouraging, always
believing in the best in their partners. They are idealistic, wanting to bring
out the best in their partners and themselves. Once they have chosen to give
their heart to their partners, they are committed to achieving the ideal
relationship. (Source 2) This trait is probably what makes my best
friend bang her head against a wall. I tend to give too many chances to someone
who is not a good person and not right for me, believing maybe he is a good
person underneath and just needs encouragement to bring it out… right?... no.
wrong. I need to stop thinking idealistically about anyone I date or form a
connection with and face the truths – follow my intuition and stop giving too
many changes for “the good to come out” of the wrong people.
INFJs value harmony with their partners and tend to be
agreeable and accommodating to them. Although INFJs do have an opinion about
many things, they tend to seek for points of agreement with their partner
before discussing any possible differences. They may also tend to avoid
conflict for the same reason. INFJs should learn to speak their minds more
often when they feel they’ve been slighted or offended instead of harboring the
resentment. (Source 2) I avoid conflict. I hate fighting. I don’t
like arguing or attitudes or snarky tones in a voice. Teenagers make me crazy
with negativity and argumentativeness… I want peace and harmony! I have had to
learn to speak my mind more often after dealing with such hatefulness and anger
in recent situations. I’m growing, slowly, to be more assertive and speak up
more.
INFJs feel most loved and appreciated when their partner
encourages their dreams, creativity, and their vision for a better world and
show respect for their deeply held values. They tend to be less concerned about
tangible acts of love like acts of service or gift giving, but will respond to
someone who shows genuine interest in understanding their often-spiritual
hearts. Likewise, they want their partners to avail themselves emotionally to
them and share themselves completely. (Source 2) YES.
When it comes to finances, INFJs are moderately good at
managing them. Some INFJs who feel that their monetary status is an important
factor in achieving their ideals or goals will spend more time budgeting and
recording their finances. However, most INFJs have little care for money; preferring to spend their lives
pursuing a humanistic vision. Hence, they prefer not to focus on the day-to-day
details about spending money, but instead focus their hearts and minds on
achieving those ideals. (Source 2) “Most INFJs have little care for
money.” I cannot tell you how many times I have said “I don’t CARE what you
make” to someone I would meet or date. Being a mid-level professional means a
good career (that I love) and a decent income. I’ve met potential partners over
the years who are very intimidated by the income disparity between myself and
that person. I’m here to tell you – money pays the bills, but it does not truly
matter! It is important just to pay the bills. It’s fun to have and essential
to life – don’t get me wrong – but life is about so much more than material
things and bank accounts. Money cannot buy happiness and it won’t make you rich…
you find wealth in your family and your heart, not your wallet.
According to Keirsey’s Temperament Theory, the ideal
partner for the INFJ is the ENTP, whose energetic, tough-minded and spontaneous
nature complement the INFJ well in a relationship. (Source 2)
It would be interesting to meet and date an ENTP, just to see if we really do
click!
Source 1: http://www.humanmetrics.com/
Source 2: https://www.personality-central.com/